Don't tase me, bro! Unless I deserve it.

These days, you can't go a week without hearing a story about somebody being tasered by the police. Whether it's the Rent-A-Cops tasing the jackass University of Florida student, or the tasing of a 56-yr old, wheelchair-bound schizophrenic, we just can't seem to escape these stories.

Now don't get me wrong...I hold no ill will toward the police. I've never had anything but good experiences when it has come to law enforcement. However, you can't assume that just because somebody is given a badge and a gun that they won't go overboard with their newfound authority.

I think that tasers are appropriate in certain situations, and not so appropriate in other situations, and we just need to educate our police force as to which situations are appropriate. Of course, I can't help but offer up some suggestions.

APPROPRIATE

1. A knife-wielding maniac is threatening to attack.

A knife is a deadly, short range weapon in most cases. If someone charges an officer with a short range weapon of any kind, it is appropriate to use a taser to keep the perpetrator at a distance. If a gun is pointed at you, slowly put down your taser, and draw your own firearm.

2. Resisting Arrest
If a suspect is violently resisting arrest, it is appropriate to use a taser to temporarily incapacitate the suspect. It is important to differentiate between violently resisting, and shock/confusion.

3. OJ Simpson
Everyone knows he is guilty. It's appropriate to tase "The Juice" under any circumstance. Even if he appears to be sitting peacefully, he is most likely concocting an vicious murder in his mind.

INNAPPROPRIATE

1. School Children
Children, especially young ones, are virtually harmless to a large police officer. Under no circumstances should a child be tased. It's important to note that some people, Gary Coleman for instance, could easily be confused for a school-aged child. Exercise caution.

2. The Elderly
The shock from a taser could stop an elderly person's heart, killing them instantly. Besides, if you feel the threat of being overtaken by the elderly in a short range tussle, it's probably best you stop what you are doing and turn in your badge.

3. Me
I pay my taxes. I've served on a jury. I vote. Plus, I'm deathly afraid of having 50,000 volts surging through my body. Please don't tase me.